Teaching your child new skills
Written by Emily Hayles - Physiotherapist and Owner, and author of 'Braver than you think: How to help your child with a disability live their best life'
Children, assuming they all have healthy bodies and no underlying conditions that might impact their development, all tend to follow a reasonably similar pattern of development over the first 12 months of life. However, after that, the timing of the development of skills can start to vary a little more - why is this? It is as a result of the opportunities and experiences that children are given in order to develop.How is it that children learn new skills?There are some key ingredients:
Observation: Children learn about new skills from watching others and observing how the skill is done. There are specific neurons in the brain called ‘Mirror neurons’ that activate when you observe someone doing something, as well as when you physically do the same thing. If you watch someone stub their toe and you flinch in sympathy, even though you did not feel any pain, or you start to cry when someone else is crying because you genuinely feel sad for or with them - that is the mirror neurons firing. And has anyone’s child started doing something like pretending to stir something in their children’s pots and pans, without you ever having to physically show them how to do it? That is as a result of them having observed your actions, and their mirror neurons have fired to code that observed action (as well as the intention behind the action), so now they can physically do the action themselves.
How you can help your child:
Let your child observe you or other people do things – dressing, cooking, cleaning, writing – these are all good learning experiences
Be aware that your child is ‘moulding’ their skills and behaviours from you, including any bad habits or ‘bad’ behaviours – you need to BE the person you want your child to be (eg: writing lists, yelling when you are frustrated, being hard on yourself if you don’t do something right)
Practice, practice, practice: The more your child practices a skill, the more they get can improve on that skill. When we practice a skill, the neurons in our brains form connections, a bit like a map or a pathway that helps them to perform that skill. When your child repeatedly practices that skill, the neuronal pathways in their brain get stronger and stronger, which means that your child gets more efficient at doing that skill. In addition, each time your child practices the skill, they are getting feedback about their performance from their senses and the outcome of their attempts, which will help them to adapt their performance of a skill the next time
How you can help your child:
Give your child lots of opportunity to practice!!!!
Hand over hand practice if need guidance for safety or success
Variety - Practice the activity in different situations or environments, or use slightly different tools to help your child to become competent at the skill in different situations
Motivation: The more motivated your child is, the more likely they are going to be willing to repeatedly practice the skill. What is it that will motivate your child? Can consider both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation occurs when we are motivated to do something in order to earn a reward or avoid punishment (ask parents for examples eg: reward chart, counting down from 3, naughty chair/mat) Intrinsic motivation occurs when we are motivated to do something because it is personally rewarding (ask parents for examples eg: enjoy the activity, makes them feel good, sense of achievement or satisfaction)
How you can help your child:
Find activities your child intrinsically enjoys that will help them to improve with a particular skill. If your child is quite crafty, you might come up with different ways to learn shapes and letters through doing craft. If your child likes constructing things, you could use lego blocks with letters written on them to create ‘word towers’. If your child enjoys playing with other kids, you could enrol them into a sport that they like that will help them to practice their ball skills. If your child is more of an outdoors kid, practicing writing their name in the sand with a stick will be more enjoyable than sitting down at a table with pencil and paper.
Praise your child’s behaviours or attempts, rather than their successes – eg: you tried so hard, you listened so well, thanks so much for being helpful, rather than a simple well done, or you did a great job. It helps your child to understand what specifically they did well, which increases their intrinsic motivation to do that same behaviour again. Take care with too much praise.
Consider extrinsic motivation second – and if you are going to use extrinsic motivation, always try and choose positive motivators first eg: reward charts, first/then approach. And only use it to form the habit or behaviour – need to gradually reduce the extrinsic reward. Explain case example of everyday chores vs large time consuming chores.
Gradually increasing the difficulty of the activity: Giving your child a task that is too difficult for them is likely to end in frustration for both of you. Choosing an activity that is appropriate for their ability, and gradually increasing the challenge of the activity can help to ensure success and build your child’s confidence in their abilities and their willingness to learn new skills.
How you can help your child:
Part practice – choose part of the activity that your child can help with, then you can do the rest
Backward chaining – my favourite form of part practice. You start the activity, then let your child finish. Eg: putting on a shirt, brushing their teeth, doing up buttons.
A growth mindset: Believe your child has the capacity to learn a new skill or improve their abilities, and show them they have the capacity to learn new skills and improve their abilities.
How you can help your child:
Pay attention to effort over results
Praise persistence and effort, eg: “you’ve worked really hard on that” or “what a great effort”.
Be specific with your praise, eg: “It was clever how you tried a few different ways to put that puzzle piece in to find a way to make it fit. Well done”, rather than just “Clever boy!”
Encourage them to use the word ‘yet’, eg: “I don’t know how to do it yet”, instead of “I don’t know how to do it”
Encourage a healthy attitude to success and failure – show then that they don’t always have to be successful to be ok. Embrace challenging activities, even if you don’t succeed, acknowledge mistakes, let them see you fail or cope when things don’t go as planned. Give them permission to get things wrong.
If you have any concerns about your child’s development or if they are having difficulty in learning any important skills, please do not hesitate to contact us to speak to one of our therapists or to book an appointment.